Rambulatory Nocturn

gushy gooshy

2007-02-24T08:23:40Z

my brain feels waaay wobbly. Earlier I had a fever of at least 100 degrees. I was so loopy that I giggled for an hour straight and had a seriously hard time standing up. Now it's 2:00am and I'm supposed to go down to C-U tomorrow and I don't know if I'm gonna make it. I think my coughing and typing is waking up Anya, who fell asleep on my couch.

Children of Men and The Departed are both really good movies. For Your Consideration is the best Christopher Guest movie yet, if you're a fan of his. I'm not the biggest, but it made me laugh at parts anyway.

I guess I'll go and blah.

My mind.... is blown.

2007-01-31T02:56:02Z

Ok, so I just got a comment on this blog from my 5th grade teacher, Miss Barnett. Holy cow. For some, this might not be a big deal, but you guys have to understand that TO THIS DAY, Miss Barnett is my favorite teacher. Ever. Seriously. Just a month ago, there was this survey thingey at work (I work at a school), and one of the questions was what my favorite teacher was. I answered without question- Miss Barnett.

I am, for the first time, reeaaaally kind of regretting my decision to have my profile pic be my school picture... from the 5th grade. Miss Barnett, if you're reading this, I DON'T still look like this. I promise.

So, I got all excited (my mind WAS blown, after all), and went to google her to see if she had a blog or whatever to send a quick message, and then... realized that I didn't know her first name. So, it seems that this is the only avenue of communication.

Miss Barnett... What's up?

I have a myspace if you would like to see some grownup-type pictures of me- just use the search function and my name. I have a couple pictures of myself, my wife (of 4.5 years), and a few family members. Oh, and the annoying rap song that autoloads on my profile has lyrics by me. That's always good for a chuckle.

Anyway, hopefully you'll check back here, because you should know that you are the best teacher ever. I really mean that. I barely remember any of my other elementary teachers names, but I think of how great your class was often.

I live in Chicago. I work as a teachers assistant in a small elementary school. It's a theraputic day school (mostly for kids with behavioral and emotional disorders... it's a real trip working there.) Coincidentally, I work with 5th graders. Oh, how ironic. It all comes full circle. Glad you dropped me a line.

note: (I get a kick out of using phrases like "dropped me a line", since it's (maybe) derived from landline phones, which are sooooo old. Soon, people won't even know where the phrase came from, but it will probably still be in use. (sorry for the triple parentheses))

Well. That was cool.

In other news, I hope to have a different annoying rap song with lyrics by me up on my myspace shortly. Once Orion remembers how to use email. (jk)

ok, seriously though

2006-12-16T16:46:06Z

...I'm gonna post something. Yeah. This one goes out to you, Anonymous.

I still like my job, although sometimes it drains the hell out of me. For those that don't know, I'm still working at a "theraputic day school". Elementary. I work in the oldest class. 5th and 6th grade. Teacher's Aide. There are about 2 school staff for every kid, because we have kids with a lot of needs. I have identified my greatest strength as an educator, which is that I turn everything into a joke/game. Seriously, I can't help it.

I wake up at 6:30 and get home at 5, so all the headway I formerly made on my domestic life have sadly fallen by the wayside. I cooked my first meal in a while this week, and I freakin forgot how to do it right.

Anywho, I skippped bowling with my co-workers last night. Not really my choice, but Liza wasn't feeling up to it. I have a pleasant conflict with my Fridays now- I can either go out with co-workers, go out to the Baha'i open mic with my brother, or stay home with Liza. It's hard to balance all 3 possiblilities, but I like having redundant plans.

I won't be able to geek out with the Champaign-Urbana guys this Christmas, unfortunately. I really need a good geeking out- I'm starting to feel like a normal member of mainstream society. I miss you misfits.

For break, I'm going with my family to NYC. It should be fun, but I'm feeling like I'd just like some less structured time to relax and get a grip on stuff. Oh, well. Like I said, it should be fun.

I'm gonna play capcom vs snk with my bro.

Enter a subject... yeah.

2006-12-16T16:32:24Z

So, It has been brought to my attention that at least one person still reads this blog, so I'm gonna post. Yep. I'm gonna post a really good post. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna post it today. Mmmm... hot chocolate...

ok, I'm back... I'm gonna post something great.

brent_falconer @ 2006-10-04T16:24:00

2006-10-04T21:24:23Z

Yeah, so I'm gonna be in C-U this weekend. Sorry, Short Chris, unless you want to go down this weekend I won't be able to have lunch on Sat.

brent_falconer @ 2006-10-01T23:15:00

2006-10-02T04:15:34Z

Yeah, Kagero is definately awesome. The premise is seriously one of the best ever. Standard video game setup where there's a large, spooky, evil castle that guys have to enter to find immortality. Only thing is, instead of playing the good guys who have to navigate the castle (a la Castlevania), you play the insane genius who sets up overly elaborate traps to kill off the lemming-like jocks who wanna roll up on your turf. Nothing says fun to me like using a false floor to throw someone into a bomb which tosses them into the fireplace.

yeeeah

Turns out my co-workers are genuinely fun to hang out with. I tried my hand at "bags" on friday at the bar. For those who don't know, it's kinda like horseshoes, but with beanbags and a box with a hole. You know, it's that game you always see the fratboys playing outside in the spring in C-U. I was streaky, but my partner rocked the house. We went 5-0.

As far as my co-workers, they're just some nice, cool people. No one's exactly my best friend yet, (I'm fairly sure some of them still don't know my first name) but someone always talks to me when I show up, so that's good enough for me. Oh, and my teammate pissed off his ex-girlfriend so bad with his trash talking that she totally hit him with a bag... in his bags. It was quite an impressive throw!

Today I did nothing, and it was everything I ever dreamed it could be. No work tomorrow! Wooo! Chris, where's that LJ page for our game?

And now...

2006-09-28T03:30:46Z

it is time for me to light a fire up under LJ's ass.

So, the new Roots album is EXCELLENT. I highly recommend it to anyone who at all likes any of their previous material. I don't know if it's the label change (Def Jam) or what, but I am really digging their sound on this one. The only small drawback is that it's a little slim at 12 tracks. However, I play the first 10 songs back to back, so it's well worth it.

Got together with Chris tonight. We have a role-playing project which is almost surely going to flounder within the month. One nice thing is that Chris is going to start an LJ blog about it so that people (Paul, T-Chris) can comment.

Sorry to everyone I haven't contacted for the last 3 months. I am hopefully going to be getting back on the horse soon.

My job has sucked away my social life. No, really. I haven't done anything social in forever. It's going well.

I am hopped up on meds for ADD. They work surprisingly well. The downside is... I FEEL like I'm hopped up on meds. Like I'm hyper all the time. Except I'm not actually hyper. I just feel hyper. I guess I can't explain it any better. I'm definately less creative, but more focused.

I'm bout my biness, you could say.

While out with Chris I got Kagero 2 (ps1) for $5.00. If anyone has heard of this game, I'm going to be completely shocked. It's really good. Seriously, a lot of cool points are up for grabs if anyone knows what I'm talking about.

necromancy

2006-08-17T16:42:11Z

*sizzle***...

*SIZZLE-Tttt--''' P-OP!"

ZZZZZZZZZZZttt.
zzztt.

....
...
.

"IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

ok, I guess it's time to bring my blog back from the dead. I have so much back up to write about that I will never, ever catch up. So I'm gonna write whatever I want. As usual, now that I think of it.

Yeah. I now have my one song with Orion uploaded onto Myspace. (Thanks again to Alex. You can now claim Hip-Hop producer status, if you couldn't already.) For the 2 of you out there who I haven't subjected to it yet, you can give it a listen on my myspace page, or else go to myspace and do a music search for "grammer factory".

I did do work on a follow-up with Orion and Noel (aka Rhetoric and Asterisk). The vocals are laid out and everything, so hopefully it will be up in the devilish landscape of Myspace Music soon.

At some point I have to ask myself... is it really MY space? Think about that. I have. I have thought a lot about this.

I'm gonna get my sis Anya to make my "family crest". I stole this idea from Ft. Awesome, of course. But forget you guys, you aren't doing anything with it. So. It's gonna be awesome. Do yourself a favor and do a google image search for "falconer family crest". You will get something like 3 results. Ok. 5000. There's one that is blue with a lion and a heart, one that looks like a ref's uniform on a shield, and one that is just some hearts. Ok.

Now.

I'm going to allow you, the readers of this blog, to vote on which crest I should use for this amazing project. Only after viewing the crests can you vote. Vote by posting on my comments. Get this:

on the upper left corner of the crest, slanted diagonally across that corner of the shield, will be inscribed the word STUPID.

on the upper right corner of the crest, slanted diagonally across that corner of the shield, will be inscribed the virtue AWKWARD

below the sheild, scrolled orthagonally across the bottom of the Falconer shield, will be inscribed the pillar EXTREME.

thus, the 3 family pillars will be present. On a T-shirt. Vote or die.

brent_falconer @ 2006-07-11T14:53:00

2006-07-11T19:55:13Z

I have a job.

THE YUUUU ESSS AYYYYYYY!!!

2006-07-06T00:09:01Z

AMURIKAA!!!!

http://www.americawestandasone.com/awsao.html

Jordan and Tera

2006-07-03T04:46:47Z

Sorry, but I officially won't be able to make it to the 4th down there in C-U. I have my interview at 9:00am on Wednesday, which doesn't leave time to do much of anything while I'm there, once you factor in the holiday travel time.

I know, I'm disappointed too. Oh, well. It was great to see you this weekend. I'll talk to you soon...

ON MY FREAKIN CELL PHONE!!!!
(yeah, it's back.)

Passions

2006-06-30T20:14:41Z

Passions is the best. Show. Evar. I recently started watching it with Liza, and my life... will never be the same.

Ok, well, first of all, there's a mermaid. Except she's got legs, for some reason. And she sang a song and this green energy crap flew out of her mouth, making the target of her seduction walk mindlessly into his bathroom door for about 10 minutes. Oh, and this guy being seduced has not been able to find a shirt for the last 5 episodes. Then the old witch hiked over to her place in order to do... nothing. Seriously, that old lady's a voyeur for real.

Then, the evil, insane monk guy got taken down by the Lesbian Army. (***I'm not making any of this up***) But he had the whole temple rigged with tons of explosives if he pressed a little red button. Then he pressed it, and it didn't do anything except knock all the good guys out while he delivered his evil "next time!!!" speech.

Oh, and I got a job interview.

Hmm..

2006-06-25T04:55:47Z

in 7 minutes, I turn 26. I have no plan.

--Brent

brent_falconer @ 2006-06-19T00:30:00

2006-06-19T05:30:52Z

If my cell or glasses turns up, please reply here. I will go and pick them up.

*sigh*

THIS JUST IN

2006-06-16T06:33:14Z

Hmm... an update.

I usually find my own life stuff too boring to write about, but this time I might be able to look past that.

I will now attempt to blog my headache away, since nothing else is working.

Saw Dave Chappel's Block Party tonight. It was fairly good, although not really as good as I hoped. DO NOT get this thinking it's gonna be funny. It has a few funny parts, but it's mostly a performance/documentary a la "Rize". Actually, I liked Rize a lot more, since it was more focused, more deep, and less disjointed.

Those artists always impress, though. The performances were a very welcome break from the terrrrrrible live hip-hop performances I've witnessed in recent years. If anyone reading this is a big hip-hop recording artist, DO NOT show up to perform with 5 of your drunk boys, without rehearsing. You can view this movie if you need tips. Thanks.

Mos Def also plays the drums, apparently. There MUST be some art form he hasn't touched yet. Let me know when we find it.

Saw Amia today, after going over to Suzanne and Husayn's house for dinner. (For those who don't know, these are my in-laws, and Amia's my 2 year old neice.) Had a phone conversation with her for the first time, that was fun. She has a funny habit of nodding her head in answer to questions, not really knowing that I can't see her nodding. What an unbelievable cutie.

Went grocery shopping today, for the first time in, like, 2 weeks. I honestly think Robbie almost wept in relief.

I have finally found a game store about 35 minutes drive that I actually like. They have a large store, with a large selection of games and a diverse scattering of regulars. Of course, when I say "diverse" people here, it only means that instead of the exact same gamer sterotype repeated over and over, you will instead see a couple different gamer stereotypes repeated.

Bray, I am actually painting figs now. You'd be SO PROUD. Warmachine is a good game, thanks to Peter for the referral.

It is apparently partay city this weekend in C-U. Whoo and stuff. Chris AND Jordan are both having birthday stuff going on, and heck, my b-day isn't too far off either. (25th). So, yeah, I'll be down there this weekend fo sho.

Grrrrrr....

2006-06-04T08:58:00Z

Man, that was the worst train ride ever. Ever. The thing was stuck at the track for about 40 minutes. Sitting near a guy who was literally *twitching* all over and cursing to himself. An unfortunate detail was that he was standing right under a train advertisement that said something like "do you know anyone suffering from Schizophrenia? Multiple Personality Disorder? Call now!" So, after 40 minutes of that, I got out of my seat to leave and see if I could find some alternate way... and then the train leaves without me. I get on the next train easily (since it has been stuck there for 40 minutes) but now I don't have a seat.

This train froze about 3 more times. Oh, and this loud guy gets on the car and decides he wants to tell... a joke.

"HEY, my friend just started this... HEY, lemme tell you a joke!!! What kinda... HEY listen, really! What kinda bee makes milk??? BOO-BEES!!! Then his friend promptly peed on herself and then vomited pink stuff on the other side of the car. Thank God they at least got off. The vomit was even slowly starting to roll to my side... sick. EVERYONE on that freakin packed train was drunk stupid. At one point the automatic announcement even broke and the operator had to manually announce stops. Most ghetto train ever. Then came the obligatory walk through creepsville, cemetary and all, since the Purple stopped running. It took me over 2.5 hours to get home... yeah.

Oh, I was at Chris' "birthday party", by the way. It was fun. Although only me and Helen showed up. We invented a new game... the uncomfortable emotional game. It's just the next step in the evolution of the infamous uncomfortable touching game. We beat Time Crisis 3, defeating the missle-commanding blurry-sword-guy for the win.

Hooray!!!

Let it be known...

2006-06-01T20:47:30Z

that I am actually crazy. If you guys could hear what I was just chanting in the shower, you'd agree.

Ok. That sounds funny, so here's a hint- I spend the first few minutes experimenting with Teradactyl noises- [i]WITHOUT REALIZING I WAS DOING IT.[/i]

That's right, my subconscious decided I needed to be making dinosaur calls without consulting me first. Then I made it into a song. About how crazy I was.

Sooo. Anyway. For all my Champaign-Urbana people- I want to come visit you sometime soon. This upcoming weekend is no good. So, go plan something for me to come to, ok?

Jordan- thanks for the call back.

--caaaawwwww caaaawwwww

brent_falconer @ 2006-05-13T12:59:00

2006-05-13T18:20:37Z

well, last night was pretty extreme. I hooked up with 1 part my old time clique from antiquated C-U days (Mark, Eric, Nick) and 1 part people who know my brother here in Evanston (Aaron, Stephanie, Mike). I acted like a TOTAL ass the whole time. I hope I was more amusing than annoying. It's just that my opportunities to act the fool are limited here, so when an opportunity presents itself, I don't go halfway.

Attention. The following are all symptoms of Brent wildin' out. Should a wildin' out alert sound in your area, take cover immediately. DO NOT attempt to engage. Brent will only do something weird like try to play music on your thighs.

-interruption of any conversation to make a joke

-asking repeatedly if I'm a baby

-telling people (very repeatedly) to "hold me!"

-running circles around people while we walk down the street

-jumping on people, or introducing them to the uncomfortable touching game... yeesh.

-coming up with new names for all the people in the room, by which I will now always call them.

-laughter that ends in me crawling around on the floor.

yeah, all this and more took place last night. I felt a little bad when the little intimate get-together at Stephanie's slowly broke up. One girl even said "sorry, there's not enough estrogen here." Whoops.

Anyway, it was a real blast, of course. I got a tiny, little bit of freestyling done in the car throughout the night, but it had a lot

uh, chris is here. Laters.

Subject:

2006-05-12T20:10:06Z

HEY, JORDAN, HAPPY GRADUATION WEEKEND!!!

Ok. So, this weekend might even be a little action-packed. Today I get together with my two old roomies, Eric Jensen and Mark Egrahri. Mark called out of the clear blue yesterday, because Eric's moving to Texas to do some Teach for America. Schools right on the border. I know that the Teach program always sends people to places that are exremely challenged, so it's kind of a big deal. I'm a little scared for him, but it's a good thing to do.

So, we're gonna get together and freestyle. Yay!!! Seriously, it's been too long since I've insulted a friends beliefs, looks, parentage, and dress all to the sounds of applause and laughter.

Peter, I WILL call you soon. Seriously. And Me-zine will get some crappy poetry out of me, too.

On Saturday Chris's game starring myself, Alex and Arielle will commence. Chris never called me back, so I don't know what time. I also never got to tell him that I'm (probably) bringing my brother. Whatev.

Sunday.... crap, what was I doing Sunday? Anyone? Oh, well. Liza will know.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL ACTION-PACKED!!! IT'S MORE ACTION PACKED THAN A CHUCK NORRIS ORAGAMI!!! IT'S MORE EXTREME THAN AN EYEBALL PIERCING!!! WHAT AM I DOING SUNDAY??? WHERE AM I??? AM I A BABY???

--a baby.

Stank.

2006-05-11T05:28:34Z

well, I spoke some with Liza about THE MOST IMPORTANT CONVERSATION OF MY LIFE tonight, and she didn't agree with most of what I had to say. I got a little upset, but it's ok. Liza and I often disagree the first time we talk about something; we come from fundamentally different perspectives on some issues. I have a feeling we'll talk again tomorrow and we'll come to more of an accord on the subject.

I went outside and had a fairly miserable yet epic run in the rain. It helped. I'm running regularly enough that I may just have to declare it unblogworthy.

I need a shower, that's fo sho.

School for the death

2006-05-11T00:11:54Z

first things first.

Anya made this shirt for me, which I am now wearing. Like a G.

and a closeup of the design:

yep. New shirt. That means one more day I can go without laundry. For that alone, Anya gets bigups.

Went out and got the new Chili Peppers (double) CD on an impulse buy. I really like the single "dani california". Initial impressions are that it's very solid, but a little softer than what I was hoping for. A B grade so far. I hate how bands get softer the older they get. It's inevitable. Not a single band is free from this trend that I can think of.

The chili peppers are one of the very few mainstream rock bands around that I can still respect. Everyone else has fallen off, pretty much.

I could easily spend $150.00 on CD's I could list off the top of my head. And these are just the ones I'm SURE I'd like. Forget about broadening my horizons. Oh, well.

Today I have varied between totally hyper and despondant. It's the kind of day when I would gladly gnaw off my own arm just for the entertainment of seeing the blood flow. I think I'm bored. But hyper. Someone do something.

Tha Weekind

2006-05-08T10:10:11Z

Mmmkay. I'm gonna write now. Mmmkay.

I now have a myspace account. I'm not really sure why. I saw profiles from alot of my friends from 10 years ago, though. That always blows my mind. I'm gonna be 26 in 7 weeks. Wow.

I've determined that living near people I know would be good.

I'mr trying to redo my sleep schedule. I'm not really sure why it's the default for me to go to bed when the sun comes up, but that's gotta stop for me to get a job. It's a shame, I've always kinda liked the feeling of owning the whole city at night. A couple days ago I went to the beach and watched the sun rise, then read a book for an hour or so before going back home. It was pretty cool.

Talked with my bestest buddy Orion for a long time. (Shout out to my boy!) His girl problems make me laugh. He does a good job of presenting himself as the butt of his own jokes. I also told him about the content of THE MOST IMPORTANT CONVERSATION OF MY LIFE, and he mostly agrees with me. Aren't you all jealous now?

Someone tell Jess I'm working on that WOW character for him. I also have an idea for a fairly bad music project to come. Uh. Maybe I'll call him.

Had dinner with Chris, Arielle and Alex. We're gonna try to have lame gaming. It's our "thing". I think Chris is trying to rebuild his social empire up here. I hope he succeeds, he's a benevolent dictator who often buys me food. I brought Liza, and we all had fun. YAY.

The road that I go jogging on had all it's lights out when I was running at 1:30am. And I run past a cemetary. Spooky.

My sista Katie was in town visiting this weekend. It was cool. We had a slumber party. We ate ice cream. We watched the Carebears movie ALL the way through. DON'T BE JEALOUS, I'LL TRY TO INCLUDE MORE OF YOU IN THIS IN THE FUTURE. Seriously, I went totally nuts last night. I felt like I was drunk. Funny thing is, I spent all my crazy and today I'm totally calm and reflective.

I played some not-so-ultimate-frisbee with Robbie, too. CHRIS, MARK, PAUL, SHARPEN UP, I'M COMING FOR YOU.

Gotta go back to the dee arr period to get some A.D.D. meds. I've been putting it off like crazy. Maybe it's all the warnings I read about potential brain damage. But, I am resolved to give it a shot. According to Jordan this will make me less fun. She might have a point there.

Heard some live versions of songs by The Roots. I would link here if I knew how. JUST GO LISTEN. They're sooo dope. You can give em a free listen at The Roots MySpace page. My favorite is the "break you off dub". You all need to start sweatin' em. Don't sleep, they're the absolute truth.

I'm going to try to stay up all day. The sky is that thick, radioactive blue I know oh-so-well. With luck, I'll be able to stay up and collapse around 8:00pm.

THE SUN IS COMING UP, I LIKE ALL CAPS.

brent_falconer @ 2006-05-01T00:14:00

2006-05-01T05:14:43Z

Tonight I had the most important conversation of my life. I think. I went outside and ran really hard.

no details to follow.

Lame-O quiz

2006-04-28T07:23:24Z

Posted for it's truth. I'll write about myself sometime, I swear.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|	20%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Cautiousness	\|\|	10%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	57%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Paranoia	\|\|	10%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

trait snapshot:

messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

I like how I'm "attracted to the counter-culture". Down with the man!

Why do Zombies work together?

2006-03-28T09:46:50Z

I was bored, and looking through my brother's blog when I saw this, which is written by my friend Orion. Best. Post. Ever. So I'm ripping it off to expose it to a new audience.

Orion said:
Hmm... your topic raises some very interesting points, but I can't help but feel that you merely scratched the surface. I mean sure, zombies enrich our lives, but really, can we stop there? That would be like assuming that you're a dangerboy! only because your a danger to yourself. While that is true, it's also well known fact that your are a danger to others as well.

I propose that zombies are in fact acting out not only for the good of humanity, but are also acting as a result of certain stresses. Stresses which collectively make up what I call postnecro syndrome (or pns). Onset of pns usually starts within the first few hours of raising. In these hours the patient is generally confused, and scared, possibly rotting. Necromancers are often characterized by a distinct inability to open up to those who they raise (possibly having suffered the same neglect when they where first raised, but that's a different discussion entirely).

Without this guidance, the zombie mind is forced to interpret its situation as best it knows how. Having no predominate role model, it defaults to the images displayed by its peers and possibly the media. Whether the media has played a significant role in the forming of modern zombie culture or whether it is simply a mirror that reflects the zombie culture that was always there has been is widely debated.

No matter which interpretaion is correct, however, the effects remain. In contrast, examine the vampire. During se first formative hours, the vampire often has a role model, someone to guide them through this metamorphosis. This results in an entity that is more independant, capabale of social interaction, and 83% less likely to be shot in the face with a shotgun. It has been observed that new vampires left for dead often exhibit zombie like characteristic, which are technically referred to as vambies.

I must also note for the sake of completness, that the opposite does some times occur (resulting in a zompire), but it is far more rare. Now that we understand the factors that go into creating a zombie, let us examine what is actually going on in the mind of a zombie.

Imagine for a moment, you're dead. You're resting peacefully as instructed on your head stone, when the icy clutches of life rip you from you're slumber. For the sake of comparision, imagine 6:00 a.m. on a monday morning, and you're heater broke, so you're freezing, and you're coffe machine's broken, and you have no pulse. Besides the general confusion (you may have been down there for a while), you can't walk straight, you're arm's hanging on by a thread, and you don't even know where your ear is.

What I'm getting at is that you're self esteem is not what it once was. In fact it's probably as low as it's ever been, and you still haven't found your ear. But then, then you see it. Others like you. I think zombies are motivated to work together by their insecurities. It is the inherent insecurity that forms this unspoken bond (you're tounge's probably missing too) amongst members of zombie society. This then causes a proportional raising of the self esteem. You would think that this was a good thing, but wait, this parfait has another layer.

Having regained some of your confidence, you attempt to re-enter the society you once knew, reconnect to your friends and loved ones. You make your way back to the land of the living, but, when you get there, you're friends and family do not greet you openly and lovingly. In fact, it is just the opposite. They call you a "monster," or an "ungodly abomination," and that hurts, especially when compunded with the shotgun wounds.

You seek to reconnect to your loved ones, but they attack the very source of your new founnd self esteem. This backs you into an uncomfortable position where, 9 times out of 10, you are driven to sabotage the relationship. Suddenly, you're destroying the very thing you where hoping to buld. You act in the only way you know how, by eating your friends. They then too become zombies. This causes an internal, moral struggle. Sure you're friends and family are now with you, but they're zombies, and it's your fault. These powerful emotions lead to the most dangerous part of pns, emotional eating.

It is this emotionally driven eating that feuls the zombies insatiable desire for the flesh of the living. So there you have it. I've probably gone too far telling you all this. I know, I'm sorry, but no one ever speaks out for the zombie, and it's something I feel strongly about. All they want is love, and,really, isn't that what all of us are after?